At a Crossroads...

Well so far NaNoWriMo is going well...I'm behind in my words and probably won't get the 50,000 by the end of the month but you know what? I feel so very accomplished. I've written over 18,000 words in a little over 3 weeks. And these words were written while I continued to live my life. I didn't merely lock myself away and avoid my family and shirk my responsibilities (which would have been nice at times I'll admit). Instead I set aside time after everyone was in bed to write and contemplate the lives of my characters. And it's been rather fun.

And now I'm at a point in my novel where my characters are at a crossroads. I'm at the same place in which I had writer's block previously and have concluded that I can take my book in two entirely different directions. And so it is up to me to determine where my characters wish to be led. Where do they want me to take this story? We are standing at the crossroads in my novel and I'm just waiting to see what my characters have to say.

Also, I notice that some days I'm at a crossroads as a writer and novelist. Yes I realize that I'm young and overly ambitious and very idealistic when it comes to novel writing. And I've come to a point in writing where I need to decide whether or not I'm actually cut out for this. Fatigue and fear are setting and and the severe feeling of being inadequate are getting to me. And after having gone through half a month of literary insanity I've come to realize that I need to make some serious decisions. Do I pursue my dream of writing a book and gain that accomplishmen in my life...or do I merely give up and forget about this "silly" dream and move on to more practical uses for my time? On the one hand my mind is screaming at me to never give up and that I can do this. But on the other hand I can see how this dream may be so far-fetched and unattainable. Or is it? Which do I choose? How can I live with myself if I give up something that I've always aspired to be? But how can I face the thought of never being good enough to ever have a novel put into print.

And for me the answer is rather simple. I'd be a fool to never try to finish writing a novel. I'd be a fool to give up my dream. Nothing worth your time is ever really that easy, so why try to rationalize that my dream and goal is not worth it to me? Also, I've asked myself this question: am I writing to become a famous and rich novelist or am I writing merely because I enjoy the activity and am living my dream? And for me the answer is simple: I am writing because it is something I enjoy doing. I've always enjoyed writing and getting lost in my imagination. It's fun and exciting to see where my thoughts will take me and what type of adventures the characters in my head will create and experience. And I decided a long time ago that I would write for me. I would write because I enjoy it and if I'm the only one who ever reads the things I've written then so be it...though I will admit that part of me hopes that other will enjoy the stories that I can spin. Not for any monetary gain, but for the mere pleasure of seeing someone as excited about my characters as I am. That would be my ultimate prize.